How to Better Understand and Connect with Your Aging Parents
As much as you love your parents, things can become tense and frustrating as you attempt to bridge the communication gap that starts to develop as they become older. Rather unfairly, we as a society often take for granted that old age is a time of decline, and not progress. Unlike childhood development, not much research has gone into the experiences of the elderly. Geriatric experts suggest that the developmental stages one experiences from childhood into adulthood, continue on into old age, except instead of dealing with experiences of progression and learning the elderly contend more with issues around control and leaving a legacy*.
As the roles of parent and child begin to reverse, adult children start to see their parents as older, less capable versions of who they used to be, shaking their heads at their obsession with their health, the past, and the cautiousness with which they make decisions and navigate the world.
The first step in overcoming these barriers is to make a concerted effort to understand what your parents are going through. Battling over miscommunications simply leads to damaged relationships and taint the legacy that they are so desperately trying to accomplish. Although it can sometimes be difficult to not get irritated with your aging parents, it is crucial that you are there to support them as they navigate this new challenging stage of their lives. However, supporting your parents will take more than simply understanding them - it requires improved communication.
BELOW ARE A FEW EASY METHODS TO HELP YOU BETTER UNDERSTAND AND COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR AGING LOVED ONE, WITHOUT BUTTING HEADS:
Really listen to theM
If your parents bring something up that doesn’t seem to be relevant to what you’ve been speaking about, try to not interrupt them. You’ll probably find that a seemingly unrelated story points to an issue that they’re dealing with, that you didn’t know about. By really listening to your parents, you allow them to reminisce, but more than that, you have the opportunity to uncover the story behind the story they are trying to tell you.
Make time for them
It’s all very well popping in for a 15 minute cup of tea or phoning your parents in between daily chores, but carving out substantial quality time to spend with them is far more satisfying and productive for all of you. For one, you won’t feel as guilty for not giving them your undivided attention, and two, the hour or so you dedicate to spending with them allows them to not only work through their legacy desires but also helps to make them feel needed and loved. If you live in a different province or abroad, Le Domaine Care has luxury accommodation on site, close to your loved ones so that these special visits feel just like old times.
Ask the right questions
When your parents are reminiscing about old stories, help them to gain more from the experience by asking them open-ended questions that encourage them to share more details with you. This gives you more of an insight into their lives whilst acting as a useful cognitive exercise for them. To get the best of both worlds, make sure they are exercising their bodies while they tell you their stories too. The tranquil setting of Le Domaine village provides the perfect backdrop for lazy afternoon chats in the sun whilst you look onto beautifully manicured gardens and blissful waterways.
Help them shape their legacy
At Le Domaine Care, we see old age as a sign of endurance and wisdom that deserves to be treasured. As previously mentioned, old age is a time of reflection and review as one tries to comprehend life and forge the final stages of their legacy. Help your parents create a tangible representation of their legacy through team projects such as making photo albums, stitching a blanket using swatches from old clothes, creating a family tree or writing down their story so that they know you’ll be able to pass it on. It’s these activities of remembrance that help to give a sense of accomplishment and perspective to your parents.
The time you devote to your parents in their old age is a time that you will never forget or regret. We know this because it is time that we have the privilege of spending with so many of our residents who we commit ourselves daily to honouring, respecting and cherishing.
Reference
*Matthiessen, C. (2019). Improve Elderly Communication: Demystifying Your Aging Parents' New Stage of Life. [online] Caring.com. Available at: https://www.caring.com/articles/elderly-communication/ [Accessed 10 Jul. 2019].